What’s in a Surname?
There are many things about the West that continue to surprise and even shock me, despite having studied, lived, and worked here. One such thing is how common it still is for women to take on their husband’s name after marriage. Surveys reveal that 90% of married women in the UK and 70% in the US still adopt their husband’s names even though there is absolutely no legal requirement to do so. It is evidenced to be not only an uncontested but also a popular practice almost across the Western world. Amongst various reasons and aside from pressure from their spouses, two main themes seem to prompt women to adopt their husband’s last name as their own. The first one is a clear apprehension towards challenging tradition and the second, a notion that the gesture of taking on the husband’s last name would be seen as cementing their commitment and would create a ‘good family’.
This phenomenon is incredibly baffling to a South-Asian like me who has in the past assumed that the West was more progressive and liberal, and certainly less judgemental. I find the practice of women taking on their husband’s last names being so prevalent in the West unusual especially since the practice has significantly reduced in the urban regions of the rest of the world and in certain societies, it has virtually ceased to exist. I am from southern India and particularly from a region where the practice in the last five decades is for every child to take on their father’s first name and not the family surname as their last name (for example, Narayanan is my father’s first name and hence that is my last name). I hardly know of women in my social or professional circles within that region who have got married within the last decade and changed their last name to that of their husband’s. Most urban, young women I know have chosen to retain their maiden names and it has not been a matter of debate or discussion in their households or even the society at large. Apart from the belief that one’s identity is one’s own and is not defined by the person you marry; it is also a colossal administrative hassle to have your surname changed in over a dozen documents from passport to electoral registration. It is perhaps an understanding of this logistical nightmare that has surprisingly ensured that not many from the previous generation in India criticize a woman’s decision to retain her maiden name.
This is not to say that no one changes their last name at all, and I admit, maybe my circles reflect a more progressive society than what the wider majority looks like. However, the key aspect to note here is the timeline. I couldn’t have made the same statement twenty or perhaps even ten years ago about the very same social/professional circle. There is a tangible change in recent times symbolising the shift in mindset. I have hope that in the near future the practice of retaining one’s maiden name will become so commonplace that it is identified as the norm, rather than the exception.
Of course, one can argue that if principles of equality and feminism champion the existence of choice, then women should be able to choose their last name. Many women may also say that it is their choice to adopt their husband’s last name. While I may not understand such a choice, I will respect it. Nevertheless, it would be interesting to understand the reasons behind such a choice and if it traces back to the reasons rooted in patriarchy as identified in various studies, then is it truly an informed decision?
More recently, a trend of double-barrel surnames have re-emerged, made quite popular largely by celebrities. This trend is arguably one way of keeping both spouses happy. Last month, Brooklyn Beckham adding his wife’s last name as his middle name was celebrated as being undeniably modern. It remains to be seen if celebrities (or mere mortals) who have gone down this path have actually taken the pains of legally changing their surname to the double-barrelled version or if it simply exists in their Twitter/Instagram worlds.
On the topic of surnames and equality, I also often ponder — is keeping our maiden name really a salute to feminism and equality? Our maiden name is often our paternal family name (or in my case, my father’s name). If feminism is about advocating respect for women and their identities in this context, shouldn’t we insist on a practice of including our mothers’ names as part of our surnames? After all, it is a mother who undergoes the excruciating pain of labour to give one life. It breaks my heart to acknowledge that the way of our world is tragically designed to erase the name of the person who brought us into existence from our identities.
But in my attempt to be an eternal optimist, I am hopeful that just as in many (dare I say non-Western) parts of the world women are choosing to retain their maiden names, soon there would also be a paradigm shift in the adoption of one’s mother’s name as part of their surname from birth and through all stages of life and beyond.
What a time that would be to be alive!
